Ask the Experts Blog

When a loved one dies, life is never the same. We miss our person; roles are redirected and moves may happen. The death can rearrange our world in ways we may have never imagined.

“Gaining the tools and resources needed to mourn in a healthy way is vital to heal and find a new normal without the person who died,” said Stephanie Kohler-Pagan, director of bereavement and Lory’s Place.

As we learn coping skills and process thoughts, the overwhelming heaviness begins to lighten. The grief is still there, but it is not a continual heaviness. Sometimes it can even be overlooked for moments of time.

Eventually, grief can become something we wear. It is more manageable, less overwhelming and no longer a huge weight. Most days the grief is light enough to wear but other days the heaviness may return.

Grief itself also changes. It can surprise us. A smell, a taste, a song, a memory or a word, can bring a flood of thoughts and emotions. That is okay! That is how grief works. It is an ongoing, unpredictable process. But days turn into weeks, then months, then years. Life events like holidays, birthdays and weddings happen. We can learn to celebrate life’s milestones and carry grief at the same time.

Healing grief and learning to live without those we love can be hard, but love and loss can learn to walk together. By honoring our pain and the love we shared, we can find a way to participate in life’s celebrations.

Use these helpful grief management tips from Lory’s Place to help you navigate:

• S - Search and savor: Search out your blessings and savor even the simplest moments.
• M - Memories: By sharing things that mean the most to us we keep the memories of those we love alive.
• I - Imagine: How would this time be celebrated if your loved one was here? Include that in the celebration.
• L - Love: Love yourself, love others and allow love to help you learn to carry your pain.
• E - Express: emotions Be open and honest while sharing your feelings.

ABOUT LORY’S PLACE

Lory’s Place, a program of Caring Circle now a part of Corewell Health, offers essential grief healing and education at no cost from their center in St. Joseph, Michigan. They serve both children and adults, across Southwest Michigan and Northern Indiana, who have experienced the death of someone significant in their lives. Lory’s Place provides grief programming and community outreach in several local schools and places of worship. Learn more at lorysplace.org or call 269.983.2707.